So this is what I think:

I call life a journey. I feel that it is a series of phases and lessons we all go through, learning from each other and teaching just the same. I've entered and exited many phases during my 42 years on this earth. There has been one constant, from pretty much day one, I think. Alcohol. My grandfather was an alcoholic, my dad was an alcoholic, I drank way too much in high school, sis.. same thing, and it seems like the only men I attract are alcoholics. What does that say about me, I wonder? I, by the way, don't drink anymore. Can't stand the way it makes people act. How it takes a perfectly wonderful personality and turns it into a blabbering fool in a matter of 3 drinks or so (depending on tolerance... both the bodies tolerance to the alcohol, and your tolerance of the fool doing it). My stepmother, God rest her soul, died of alcohol related heart problems... and she only drank on Saturday nights! My dad was sooo bad to her, beating her and everything. After she died, he grieved until the day he died over her. I thought that it was very ironic that he treated her so badly and then felt that he had the right to gain sympathy by being a "grieving widower". I'm sure that sounds very hardcore, but I have, unfortunately, been jaded by seeing and feeling too much abuse due to alcohol. I went to the alanon/alateen site to see if there was an online support group, but it just gives listings of meetings that I could attend in my area. It's been an ongoing, nonstop cycle of dealing with alcohol, like I said, from day one. I had the best boyfriend in high school. The love of my life who always treated me like a princess and never hurt me or any other soul. Circumstances beyond our control tore us apart back then. Now, 25 years later, we're back together. YOU GUESSED IT, HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC NOW!!! Unbelievable, right? The one person who I could always count on and never have to fear is now the very thing I've been running from my whole life. I know that God has a plan for all of us and I felt that I had wandered off that path many years ago. I know that I am back on it, and have given my heart to Jesus. I can't help but wonder if I am being punished for some past sin or possibly even being tormented by the devil because he knows I love Jesus. Don't get me wrong, my bf is still the love of my life and my best friend, so I fully intend to see this thing through. I just hope that the alcohol doesn't do to us what it's been doing my whole life... destroying anything in it's path. You've heard, I'm sure, of the term Devil's Brew? Well, to me, that is what alcohol is... in any form. Even though I'm not a drinker anymore, on rare occasions when I do drink 1 or 2 beers, even that small amount changes my personality and makes me sick to my stomach. So I guess I don't see the appeal nor the very reason that so many people are addicted to it. I do know one thing, problems or not, a love as strong as the one I have with my bf is a one in a million thing and I'm not giving it up, not now or ever. Maybe that's my addiction? If I take it in that context, than I start to understand the hold of alcohol over people. Who knows? Well, thanks for listening and feel free to comment. Until next time then.....